Rewriting life and what I have learned

[Wanderer]

This is my next recovery thread. The last thread I posted like this was when I was off to get my head sliced open. This will be similar and yet different. I am going to share some stuff about what I have learned and my life, something I rarely do. Perhaps this will help someone else, perhaps not.

First homeostasis is an addiction. It convinces you that things should stay the same. It makes you comfortable and it seems to me that it dulls the mind and allows you eat away at your life. It appears I am not immune to this force of nature, however I am aware of it and the negative effects on my life.

Over the last several years I have been working on many different things, part of which was my ability to think, to control events and to guide and influence the actions of others. It was a great success. There is no need to get into what I did or how I did it. But suffice it to say I have proven to myself that I have a pretty firm grasp on the reality of groups. That part is now complete. I have no need for further proof or work in this area.

I have also worked on testing my ability to defend my principles and my ideals as well as my basic outlook on life. This was also done to my satisfaction. Although I do still have some work to do in this area mostly this deals with how to explain things in a way others can understand and relate to.

All of this work over the last few years have lead to some breakthroughs in some areas, and some changes in how I choose to deal with the world.

The hardest thing has been internalizing the principle that I do not live my life for others. Intellectually I have believed this for a long time. But I found that inadvertently I had not really made myself consistent in the area. I have come a long way in that regard.

Lately I have found myself lurking at SV and other places with very little to say, mostly because as I have finished the work I have been doing, I am now back to living by the principles that I believe in.

All that said, something snuck up on me that I didn't expect. Having had a full time job working for a large company, I have allowed my days to become something of a ground hog day. Each day goes relatively well, although with long commute times and full days at work the days and weeks have flown by, I year seems to pass and I it feels as though I wasn't paying attention.

This lead to some research on my part, and this brings us back to homeostasis. You see I became comfortable and complacent. As things progressed relatively smoothly I found myself spending less time on my projects and more time on trivial matters and time wasters. While I enjoyed my time since it was the first time in many many years since I have really indulged in the freedom of just not driving forward, it is not good for me to live this way.

While my enjoyment of many things increased, my satisfaction for where I was heading decreased significantly.

I have gotten out of shape, any life has seemed to become a bit mundane. I know I am supposed to be doing more, I am supposed to be more. But it was so comfortable to just let things happen. Thankfully my principles got in the way before it was too late.

So this thread is to be dedicated to the process of doing more and stepping up, I am not destined for a second rate life.

[mleighp1]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

The hardest thing has been internalizing the principle that I do not live my life for others. Intellectually I have believed this for a long time. But I found that inadvertently I had not really made myself consistent in the area. I have come a long way in that regard.

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I have gotten out of shape, any life has seemed to become a bit mundane. I know I am supposed to be doing more, I am supposed to be more. But it was so comfortable to just let things happen. Thankfully my principles got in the way before it was too late.

So this thread is to be dedicated to the process of doing more and stepping up, I am not destined for a second rate life.

This is great, Wand. I am happy to see you posting again. You've always been a very intellectual contributor. I look forward to following your journey.

What sort of things are first on the order of agenda to bring some passion and purpose to your new life?

[KahunaGrande]

OUTSTANDING post Tim!!

We remain oddly in-synch, I have been dealing with similar issues myself recently.

I look forward to this thread!

[Wanderer]

So I have embarked upon a journey that I began long ago, but some how managed to lose my way.

I am headed for Law school. I have began prepping for the LSAT and am shooting at one of the top 5 Schools. I am going to intentionally be a bit vague on what school or schools I am shooting for because I do not want any chance of something I may right here end up hurting my chances at getting in to where I want to go.

I am looking at long shot schools, so there is a possibility I may not make it in to any of the top 5. Competition is fierce for them, but I will do everything I can to get there. If I must accept another school, or it turns out at the end of the process that there is a better place for me to go, I will do that. I will always do what is in my best interest and the best of the available options.

The soonest I can go to school will most likely be fall of 1012. But I must begin working hard now if I hope to make it happen by then.

If anyone has any contacts or people with experience in law school, I am open ears to any tips, tricks, suggestions or recommendations.

I am ready to move on and move up. I may also couple this with a doctoral program meaning I would end up with A JD and a PhD. But right now the LSAT is my focus. one step at a time.

I also will begin preparing to follow this path by getting rid of as much my possessions as I can justify. In the next two years, I am going to get into school, pay off my debts, and get in shape. So I have a lot in front of me. I am realizing that I do not have time to wait for things to happen or come about on their own. I need to create the life and the conditions I am prepared to live in.

[David]

You can create the life you want by adopting the principles you are prepared to live by.

[joanne1216]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I also will begin preparing to follow this path by getting rid of as much my possessions as I can justify. In the next two years, I am going to get into school, pay off my debts, and get in shape. So I have a lot in front of me. I am realizing that I do not have time to wait for things to happen or come about on their own. I need to create the life and the conditions I am prepared to live in.

I'm impressed!

Everything you said is so true and most of us become caught in this trap of staying put, being satisfied... but are we truly satisfied?

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[Corinne Friesen]

Have you considered that holding on to principles may be a form of homeostasis?

[Wanderer]

That would depend on what the principle I would suppose. That is not something I need worry about with my chosen principles.

[David]

Originally Posted by Corinne Friesen

Have you considered that holding on to principles may be a form of homeostasis?

No.

Believing something and acting on it are two different things. Acting on principles is the absence of homeostasis.

[Stoic_Jason]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

I am headed for Law school.

The world could always use another attor......ney.

[Corinne Friesen]

Originally Posted by David

No.

Believing something and acting on it are two different things. Acting on principles is the absence of homeostasis.

Hmm... You've given me something to think about. Will get back to you on where it takes me.

[Corinne Friesen]

OK, here's my first take, David, on homeostatis vs. prinicples.

There are two kinds of ways that we can espouse principles.

1. Is to wear them like clothing, as an expression of our inner selves. They become the way we conduct our lives based on who we are. I think this form is somewhat fluid, in that the principle remains similar but is expressed differently in different situations.

2. Is when we use principles as a way of keeping life static, (homeostasis), where we rigidly cling to them in hopes of finding an inner rudder. (Going from the outside-in, rather than the inside-out as in point 1.) In this case, the principles become more important than the person and everything must bend to the principle - nothing around it can change.

In both cases, you can take actions based on your principles, but the actions often become different and are often done differently.

[Corinne Friesen]

PS: Wanderer, sorry to hijack your thread a little bit there.

It's always intriguing to hear when someone rewrites their life - reinventing themselves or un-inventing what they've become. More power to you.

[Cat Lover]

Thanks for sharing this with us Wanderer. We here have known you a long time and have seen the many changes that have taken place in your life. I am glad to see you posting this and sharing this with us all.

Your post got me thinking. I guess I am stuck in that mode right now too. I have the IDEAL situation at work and I really don't want it to change, not right now at least. Unfortunately it probably will be changing whether I like it or not. It is easy to get attached to people and circumstances and get complacent. It happens so gradually it seems. Little by little, day by day a bit more until one day we realize we have gotten complacent. I will read this thread with interest and hopefully, learn something from it. I am glad and grateful to be learning from people like you, in how to make these changes, when your inner head and heart seem to be resisiting those changes.

I know you will succeed at what ever you take on, Wanderer. You are a highly intelligent, very determined individual. You can do whatever you put your mind to. I will read this thread, although not really have a lot to contribute. However, perhaps following your thread, I will learn some nuggets of truth I can use to help myself too. Thanks again for sharing....

[Success_for_Life]

Be willing to pay the price for your dreams.

Wanting a big house, a luxury car or a million dollars in the bank is all very nice, but the problem is that practically everyone wants these things. The question then is, "Are you willing to pay the price to get them?"

This is one of the major differences between the successful and the unsuccessful. Successful men and women find out what it's going to cost to make their dream come true. Then they find a way to make it happen. Most importantly, they don't complain about the work it takes to achieve their dreams.

Les Brown says he has a callus on his left ear. Why? "When I decided to get into speaking, I had no credentials, no reputation, no credibility and no experience. So I had to call a lot of people," Brown explains. "I called over a hundred people a day, day in and day out, to ask for an opportunity to speak to their group. This callus is worth several million dollars!"

You can get practically anything you want in life--if you are willing to pay the price.

[Wanderer]

well progress has been slow partially on my end and partially on account of circumstances.

I am weighing options, and still have some major unanswered questions, but I have decided that for now, continuing forward with studying and such is the way to go.

At the same time my contract is nearly over. In roughly 5 weeks I will be out of work. Assurances by the contracting company don't really assuage my desire to have something lined up.

there is an awful lot I want to get done, I wish I was able to take a week and just knock some stuff out, but unfortunately I have a 3 hour commute each day, and 9 hours at work, so 12 hours of my day is for sure spoken for due to work commitments, 5-6 hours a day for sleep, means only 6 hours to cook, clean, eat and do all the other things people do when they have lives.

Top it off we have had snow and gloomy weather. I have a rough time in the winter as it is. I am very sensitive to light and get run down very easily in the cold months. I have a feeling that is why I always felt so great in Key West. So much sun I hardly needed to sleep and was always ready to go.

i'll write more later, but for now I must dash

[angelbabee1971]

like others wandy, i am impressed with your desire to make changes in your life! ...

regarding homoestasis ... remember that it is our body's way of protecting us .. every system we have inside us is controlled by it ... temperature, heart rate, organ function ... all controlled by our nervous systems to keep us alive and kicking!!

i guess what i am saying is ... while there are some aspects of homoestasis that holds us back, the basic design of it is to keep us alive and functioning well ... so dont be too quick to condemn the process ... be thankful for it and use it to your advantage!!

[Wanderer]

how much can you keep in the air and not let something slip? that is the great question. Radical shifts in position take lots of work and time. I am not really one for long time horizons mostly because my attention wanes but this time I am forced to accept a very long time horizon.

I am less than a month from being out of work, however I have a lead on another contracting position in the same company. More money and the same basic convenience that my current position allows. Right now I am waiting to see what happens. I don't like the waiting.

Getting rid of as much debt as possible before law school is very important. I paid off another account, but still have a few more to go, expecting to dump my entire bonus towards my other accounts. it kind of sucks to make 10K and send out 10K just as fast but that is what is going to happen. Still it will be nice to finally be debt free, I have a ways to go but slow but sure it will happen.

I have also been working in my office at home. Shredding is currently the bane of my existence. It takes a lot of time, but once it's done it's done. I am storing too much paperwork, I know I am but my mistrust of the IRS forces me to hold on to things. Still I have been able to go through and get rid of a lot of stuff. It takes a lot of time but it will be worth it to transform box and filing cabinets into a single filing cabinet.

I have made some diet changes but never really sure they are worthwhile. I'm going to cut some weight but not sure how much. Every time I try I generally end up putting on weight and getting bigger. I don't really want to buy new clothes again, it's already hard to find shirts that fit my shoulders but don't make it look like I'm wearing a dress. I think I will try the vibram shoes for running, but I'm going to start out in running shoes so that I can get my cardio up. I've been having lots of little annoying issues from my neglect to do the things I need to, Like stretch which has caused some sciatic issues. I also have a nagging wrist issue that I'm not exactly sure where it came from. With my training partner laid up due to injury I have really not pushed myself to do much over the last few weeks. A little disappointed really, I even decided to head over to the semi local JKD school. I don't think they are going to be of any help. All drills no live sparring, this is much like learning braille with mittens on. This should be a lesson for those of you who enjoy being in a group. If you progress to a certain level in your chosen endeavor the field of suitable associates declines dramatically as do your options to progress leaving you to do it alone. Since I have been unable to find someone to drive me or move with me, I am going to be forced yet again to drive myself and drag others along with me.

As for diet, I am making an effort to eat fruit and veggies, it may sounds silly but there are weeks where I go without eating anything that might be considered a vegetable. So every day I am eating a banana (I really don't care for them) and an apple. I'm going to try to add some berries in to, but I"m working up to that. I am also cutting down soda intake, 50% of my calories per day actually come from soda I would imagine. I am having to wean myself off caffeine so that rules out cold turkey. Besides I'm not giving up soda, just trying to cut back to 1 maybe 2 cans a day. Eventually it will probably go to a can occasionally but I have to change my diet before I do that.

Getting rid of stuff is hard, I threw away a computer the other day that still worked. sure it was a 15 year old plus laptop but it still worked. But I don't use it so it had to go, my attachment to things is much less but it is still hard to get rid of things that still work. I am using a new standard though, things that I will use and that are useful. This is what led to tossing the old laptop, 2 more will go by the wayside soon. Some stuff I should donate, but honestly I won't ever do that and it will end up getting pitched anyway so now i'm just going straight to throwing things out.

And finally law school, studying has been tough, but I am breaking it up now, the most important part of the LSAT is picking out the premise and logical thought, The hard part for me is reading carefully and keeping track of meaningless information. slow but sure I will keep treading forward.

organize/diet/working out/studying/staying employed/ it's a lot of stuff to keep in the air, it also gets a bit harder when energy runs low and all you have is will power to make you do the next thing.

[Wanderer]

I should be getting an interview for the other position. If I can secure that gig then I should be in a prime position to proceed with all other plans in a timely fashion.

I really need to make some contacts with successful attorney's so that I can get some insight and such on the field and the process.

Just like in a fight, I am trying to build up to "single mindedness of purpose" easy to grasp theoretically, hard to put into practice.

I am not used to moving forward without a clear and concrete target. This is something that is really much harder to do, fuzzy goal setting is definitely not my style.

[mleighp1]

Originally Posted by Wanderer

fuzzy goal setting is definitely not my style.

Is your goal really fuzzy or is it just the action plan that is fuzzy?