Hello everyone. It's been a while, especially for me. I wish I could say I was out being successful but I wasn't. Just living each day, one day at a time. I am here for a reason and it's because I miss some of you and I miss the positive attitudes (when we weren't bickering). I have a question to ask and Wanderer, I wasn't sure where to put this thread so be my guest to move it. Here goes: If you don't believe in God or a higher being...then what keeps you going everyday? Why bother with PD or living life to it's fullest if you die and nothing comes of it? The older I get and the more illnesses that I'm plagued with or my family is plagued with, I wonder.... why am I even bothering attempting to be healthy? Then when my nephew passed away, wow, that threw me for a loop. He's gone. There are nothing but photos and memories. Am I going to see him again? The pain in my sisters eyes is too much for me. But yet she gets up everyday, comes into work looking beautiful and prays to God daily knowing deep down that she will see him again someday. I have been doing so much thinking about life... too much for my little brain to handle I guess what I'm asking is, what keeps you going? For those who don't believe, what is it? How do I get back into PD and thinking positively? Will that be enough for me or do I need to have some sort of faith?
Joanne, I do not intend this post to come across as if I have all the answers, I certainly do not. I also can't speak for someone that does not believe in a higher being, because I do. But I do think I have figured a couple of things out, or learned them, or maybe I just believe them to be true. I don't believe that belief in a higher power is required to keep going everyday. Maybe it helps, maybe it helps just to believe that your life is about something bigger than yourself. That is really the essence of faith, that there is something more. I think this can be your family, friends, society as a whole.
I don't believe in the traditional concept of God and I am not convinced that there is a higher power, but in my opinion, this just gives me even more reason to work harder in this lifetime, because for all I know, this many be the ONLY chance I get at success. As you know given your recent loss, life can be cut short in an instant. There is possibly no more opportunities to say or do what was unsaid or left undone. NOW is possible the ONLY time we have to say and do the things we need to say and do. That is where I feel personal development really comes into play. If we are sitting idly by watching life pass us by, we are royally effing up and essentially throwing away time and opportunities we will never get back.
I'm so happy to see you back Joanne!!! :yippee: I think it's a good question. I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately myself. I'm quite sure it's because I am getting older. I just told my husband on Saturday driving back from the beach- "It really pisses me off that we have to die!" lol I was feeling very sad & emotional after seeing my 92 yr old Gramma over the weekend. (she lives in Phoenix now) I felt like I didn't know when I would see her next. I plan on going to visit her next year, but lets face it....she's 92 and you never know when something could happen. It's heartbreaking to lose people you love and to know our days are numbered. I have often asked myself, why are we even here if it's just temporary? There must be some reason. So I'm just going with it I guess. Not like I have a choice! To me it seems crazy that we are here living on this planet at all, so part of me does appreciate the miracle in that. (I'm kind of a "Big Bang" believer myself) What keeps me going? The things and people I love. Trying not to worry about the end because it's out of my control. The hope that I will be connected with the people I love again. Living in the moment of each and every day. Enjoying every single thing I do. Not taking a single day for granted. Focusing on the positive which comes very natural for me. I really believe a positive outlook has given me a better life. The positive people are the rare ones. But honestly, it's just what helps you to survive this sometimes short life. That is something different for everyone. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's been hard on you & your family. Love ya, :hug: Kimberly
Maybe right now Joanne it's just a matter of simply keeping busy. Do what makes YOU happy...the rest will follow. (I know you love running, going out with girlfriends, ect...) I always think about what our loved ones that we lost would want for us- to have a happy & full life I'm sure. :thumb:
Phil and Wanderer, I want to thank you both for your responses and the time and effort put into those responses. It really means a lot. I missed you both. I’m just a little overwhelmed and I want to answer them the best I can. I want you both to know that I used to believe in God. I grew up catholic. We said the rosary daily; To this day, I could still say it in Italian. My children were baptized, they made their first communion and we went to church every Sunday. I would even read some passages to them from the bible but as you both know, my children are gay and supposedly the book that God told man to write states that gays are sinners (for being gay). What helped me through that was I believed that God didn't write the bible because my God couldn't possibly make my children sinners as a fetus, would he? From there, I slowly stopped believing. I still do the sign of the cross when getting in my car every morning; I got that from my mother. I think deep down I still believe, I just don’t know what to believe. This is so true Phil. When I lost 30lbs, I felt no differently, sexier sure, happier, nope. I guess feeling sexy doesn't make me happy. I really like that paragraph especially "There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." Well put. I take good care of my car because it was damn expensive and I need it to get to my destination everyday but my car is not living. When it dies it just dies. I am living and feeling. I take care of myself and still feel like I just want to lie down and die sometimes. I'm tired of being sad, sad for my families loss, Matt was such a good kid. Understanding why he was taken, that will never happen. Yes, he isn't suffering anymore but why did he have to suffer in the first place? He was only 18. I just want to understand. I want answers. I want to know that I will see him again. I really want to focus. It’s been over six weeks now that he's been gone. I don't feel that much better than as if it were yesterday but I am putting more effort in eating healthy again instead of eating comfort foods. I want to push myself, I have never been a person that gave up even with so many darn obstacles in my way, even when I have failed miserably many times, I always began again. I am beginning again but this time it’s different. It seems so much harder, harder than it ever has been. It doesn’t seem to have much meaning this time around. I think I've done a pretty good job handling situations that have come my way. I wouldn't say that I handled it with ease but I dealt with the ups and downs ... I can't seem to deal with this down. It's a missing piece of our puzzle. Me and my sisters, we have two children each, a boy and a girl. Now my sister is left with one. This thanksgiving and Christmas, there will be no Matthew at my house. His Fathers birthday is this week, there will be no Matt. I wish I could describe my sister's eyes, they're very dark now, empty, like two holes. My heart sinks when I see her face. We work together. We are very very close. Even though we were worried daily about Matt accidentally dying, he was still alive, he was getting help. My sister and ex brother in law no longer worry about finding him dead, my nephew isn't suffering anymore... but the rest of us are. I know it's better than him suffering but why did his rock bottom have to be death? Great question Phil but that’s not fair!! Of course he would tell me to stop being sad and that he was happy. But is he? Or is he just in the ground? If I knew there in fact was a God, he would say “Aunt JoJo, I’m with Nonna and Grandpa, Uncle Carmen and Uncle John. It was so nice finally meeting grandpa and uncle Carmen. Please don’t be sad and tell my mom and dad not to be sad because I have never been happier. I am always around even though you cannot see me or touch me. I was at my birthday party last weekend… who do you think took the power out of the entire block?? Be happy that I am finally at peace. I miss you all but earth was not for me so God took me home and someday we will all be together again. Please take care of your body, God only gave you one" (that's what I used to say to him).
Please don’t think that I think that my life doesn’t have meaning. It does. I have two children, they are my meaning. I have siblings and nieces and nephews. My love for them is what keeps me going every single day. But now I know just how fast someone can be taken from me, so my meaning has changed. I’ve become more frightened, angry, numb… Interesting.... this reminds me of how I was in 2008, after getting the good news about my breast cancer, I left my boyfriend of 10 years (I'm sure you remember him) and I spent the next two and a half years so happy, I was off the prozac and life was great... so what the heck happened? When it comes to my children, my happiness is based on their happiness. I believe in the saying, "you're as happy as your saddest child" Don't people get tired of working at being happy? I do agree with this to a certain extent. My house it clean, I'm happy. My papers are organized, I'm happy. I'm somewhat caught up at work, I'm relieved which makes me happy. But my nephew is never coming back. I'm never going to feel his bear hug again and to top it off....my sister, I wish I could explain the pain. I believe life is about experiences as well and what you experience in your life is what molds you into the person you are, at least for some people. There are miserable people in this world. miserable about every little thing, I try and stay away from those people. Even though I'm sad, I still try to see the positives. I think I do need others in my life, is that bad? I do enjoy my companion on the weekend with my current boyfriend Rob. We both want the same thing, not to live together and not to get married but that relationship even worries me and makes me unhappy. I think I have a thing with relationships and becoming too attached but that's another thread down the road... maybe I even have one out there already ;-) However, Wanderer, there still is something missing. What you have said does help. I agree that the world has a lot to offer but whats being offered to us and making us happy can be easily taken away. That is when the doubt comes in and the self-talk becomes negative. I believe I may be contradicting myself just from reading my own responses. I am also confusing PD with faith. Right now, all I need is to have faith.
This is exactly what I don't get, if this is our only chance, why bother?? I really need to change my thoughts. I don't think just changing my thoughts will help though. It's not just about positive self-talk anymore, to me, it's more about having faith.
Hey Chica, it's great seeing you on facebook!! It's about time! The people I love is what keeps me going too. Even though Matthew was taken, there are others here for me to love and care for. I'm just so afraid of losing more people that I love. I know it's selfish but I just can't help it. I also fear losing my life and my children being sad.... especially since their faith in God isn't so promising. I know in time things will get easier, at least I'm hoping. I hate seeing my sister so sad. Thank you for being a good friend
I know right?! :lildevil: So glad I added many of my motivational peeps! :thumb: I totally understand Joanne. I've worried about those things too. It's scary to lose people we love. But we really should just enjoy every moment with them and try not to worry about what "could" happen. We don't know when/if ect.... it could be a very long time and we wasted it worrying. No good can come of that! Always your friend girl! :hug: Kimberly
Excellent point. As you guys know I have been away from the boards for a few years. Three years ago I promised my grandfather I would stop reading so many PD books and finish my degrees. Now I have the college degrees, I guess I am considered "successful", but honestly I just felt a bit sad/ lonley today. I spent so much time trying to get to a certain level of success, I lost touch with some friends because I was working so much. I spent so much time trying to be "successful" I lost balance in my life, I am trying to get that back now.
Yes I attached ideals to meeting certain goals. I met all those goals now what? Now I realize my REAL goal is just to be happy. I am just getting this concept now.
[But, I think that one of the downfalls of many PD programs, is that they can lead one to believe that they are working to get to a place. That when they reach this goal or that goal, they will be happy. You won't be. There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.] I can really relate to this, I spent ten years, clean and sober, getting every thing I thought I needed to be happy, wife, kids, career, home. And when I got there I still felt empty and I ended up crashing. It was only after almost losing everything again that I got some perspective. Now I know it truly is about doing the next right thing. There is no staying still we are either busy living or busy dieing - so get busy living!!!
Hey Sarah, good to see you! That's all I can do is go one day at a time. Hi Sam. Welcome to SV. I agree and I am getting busy living but I've noticed that I do it primarily for other people instead of myself. That's okay, isn't it?
This is a great question. What get's us out of bed in the morning? IF you don't have an answer for that question it's going to be tough to have success in life. I don't think we are supposed to know all the answers but we need to have faith in ourselves - that there is a higher purpose. In many cases it can be related to our children and passing on something of value. We can't spent too much time worrying about where we are going though because we need all our energy to do what's in front of use to the best of our ability. When I get over whelmed I just try to keep it simple and do the "next right thing" after a while it starts to add up and form a direction. There is really no end it though - just "milestone" where we can stop and look back over a period of time and see the progress we made. If you just do the next right thing to the best of your ability the rest will come together. The only faith you need is to believe that if you do the right thing you will find your purpose. My 2 cents
